Hair Crime: Life on the Street

Sam Frost says The Bachelorette ruined her hair after having it styled FOUR times a day

"I've got a bit of a mullet happening."

The fate of the underclass keeps me up at night. By which I mean the AUDIENCE.

A Moose Lodge for Our Degenerate, Knuckle-dragging Age

Meet the Travelling Jagrs

Armed with black mullet wigs, the Travelling Jagrs are starting to make a name for themselves:

"He had some epic hair back in the day"

Little is New in this Life, 'Tis it Not?

attorney objects to smear tactics

Mr. Mullet is charged with one count of conspiracy and five counts of hate crimes pertaining to each hair-cutting assault, in addition to two counts of obstructing justice by trying to destroy evidence and one count of lying to FBI agents

Curiously, Mr. Pompadour, highly dependant on smearing whatnot on his glory, was not charged with anything at all.

The Safety of Civilization is at Stake, Dammit!!!

Four Amish Women Added To That Federal Hair-Cutting Indictment Yes, someone made a Federal case out of it...

New and Improved Elektorsmog!

The Litzelstetter "tower-free residential area" club fears a new wave of elektrosmog. "I think it's the calm before the storm," club chairman Irene Mohn said when asked. The planned expansion of the high-speed network LTE (Long Term Evolution), they said will be a new tsunami of the mobile world over the cities and towns. Mohn believes that the electromagnetism is a pollutant, and thus believes it an increase on the burden on residents. This was why the club supports a possible low-emission, and thus human-friendly form of mobile communications.

I’m not sure if its attention seeking or hypochondria that drives these people, but despite the mere milliwatts that are at issue, and the fact that we shield the emissions of motors and other equipment in a way we never have before, they’re still at it.

Nonetheless, that kind of craziness sounds much better in the original Klingon:

Der Litzelstetter Verein „Mastenfreies Wohngebiet“ fürchtet eine neue Elektrosmog-Welle. „Ich denke, es ist die Ruhe vor dem Sturm“, sagte die Vorsitzende Irene Mohn auf Nachfragen. Mit dem geplanten Ausbau des Hochgeschwindigkeitsnetzes LTE (Long Term Evolution) rolle ein neuer Tsunami aus der Mobilfunkwelt auf die Städte und Gemeinden zu. Mohn geht davon aus, dass der Elektrosmog und damit auch die Belastungen für die Anwohner steigen. Dabei setze sich der Verein für die möglichst emissionsarme und damit menschenverträgliche Form des Mobilfunks ein.

Run! Hide! Save yourselves!

Set Phasers on 'Stun' or Something...

From Slashgear, an ever reliable source of news:

NEOShield international asteroid threat-reduction group forming now

This commission hasn't issued any threats thus far, and they've not formed because there's an inordinate amount of asteroids headed for Earth

Un hunh. Elsewhere, a sure-fire winner:

Europe considers asteroid shield

Fake Crisis Still Selling Well in College Towns

Warm Winter Keeps Hives Busy as Bees

Sharon Friends of Conservation and Sharon Garden Club sponsoring showing of global bee crisis film Sunday.

Which, curiously enough, isn't global.

It Makes Biafra look like a Sandbox Fight!

Amish beard-cutting war out of control

Without a fake Crisis we are Aimless

Huffington Post:

Without an Asteroid-Annihilating Rocketship, We're Toast

mmmm'kay. Next comes the "planetary distress signal", I suppose.

WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE: there is a giant asteroid headed towards Earth. All the astrophysicists and rocket scientists and brain surgeons agree ...

The Psychiatrists though could not be reached for comment.

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\11A

So, a Giant Asteroid is Heading for Earth…Again…

Or rather not "not-headed" in a especially scary non-way as previous asteroids headed for earth which weren't.

Like, between the moon and the Earth close. PC gamers may remember the last time this happened, in 1995. Back then, it was the asteroid Attila, and unlike YU55 - which should pass by harmlessly - it was headed straight for us.

Funny how they always get to that "gamer" level of plausibility and detail.

A failure to De-Orbit

A two-and-a-half ton German-made satellite is estimated to re-enter the earth's atmosphere soon.

Back in 1999 scientists lost contact with the two-and-a-half ton satellite. It is predicted to re-enter earth's atmosphere at the end of this month.

The German Aerospace Centre said 30 'individual pieces weighing a total of 1.6 tons may reach the surface of the earth.'
ROSAT’s heat-resistant mirror in particular may not burn up upon re-entry and falling debris may include razor-sharp shards.

Unlike the UARS, this one's coming in uncontrollably. Major Tom's retro thrusters have failed. It's raining shreds. Or so forth, and so on.

Last month the German space agency estimated that ROSAT has a 1-in-2000 chance of hitting someone - higher than the 1-in-3,200 odds NASA gave for UARS, the last satellite to fall.

It must have run out of Fahrvergnügen or something.

Admitting to Many Things

I once had Whale Sushi. It was in a charming, overpriced tavern, in a charming, overpriced country called Iceland.

What I plan on doing is telling the priest about it in my next confession, just to see if he gives me 3 extra Hail Marys of that politically incorrect sin.

Or maybe just to see if I get a rise out of him.



No, it does NOT taste like chicken.

Fake Crisis Squared

Education system doesn't support NBN: Caelli

AUSTRALIA is not equipped to deal with the National Broadband Network due to past "dumbing down" of IT education and resulting lack of trained professionals, security expert Bill Caelli warns.

So, to have one crisis, they will have to equip themselves sufficiently first. And THAT'S a crisis.

The Dreaded Google Street View now Confounding German Car Buyers

Oh, how very ironical. Volkswagen will be putting the dreaded privacy impuning Google Street View into Audi dash boards.

Forbes:

When Germany pushed back hard on Google Street View, Google complied with its conditions — blurring people’s faces and even going so far as to allow privacy-sensitive Germans to have their houses blurred out. (Not everyone in Germany was on board with the visual censorship, and some of those blurred houses wound up getting egged by pro-Googlers. Ironically, opting out made them even more visible.) But eventually Google got fed up with the restrictions, and abandoned Street View in Germany.

Talk about your Fahrvergnügen.

Responsible Journalism at a Glance

GREEN BLOB IN SPACE
Weekly World News

"This blob can be one hundred times more devastating to Earth, than any asteroid," said James V. Bellanca III, the chief blob expert at NASA.

What Will Happen on December 21 2012?
Lankaweb

The story started with claims that Nibiru, a supposed planet discovered by the Sumerians, is headed toward Earth.

The Day After Tomorrow….Today??
Independent (UK)

The Mayans were right, the planets have aligned, an asteroid is heading for earth, the molten core at the centre of our planet has stopped turning (again) ...

Yet another dytopic environmentalist "looking out for the children, and the future", no doubt. They all seem to sound like that...

our time on planet earth is up.

I mean, first of all the natural disasters that have been happening with alarming frequency lately, the floods, forest fires, earthquakes, Tsunami’s, birds mysteriously falling from the sky….well it is enough to get any normal movie goer freaking out, but then, add to it the financial crisis (the banks know what’s coming obviously), the fact that no other reporter seems to have put this together (clearly a government cover up) and of course, the fact that our TV Schedules constantly pump out reality drivel like X Idol, Celebrity Strictly Come Dining, and my favourite Cat in the Attic,( why do people watch these things……….I just don’t get it, go out and play rugby instead damn you!) and it becomes clear that the powers that be are trying to lull us into some sort of apathetic coma so that we don’t go out and panic.

Why not do the right thing, and off yourself know - before we get to paragragh 8?

One Fake Crisis is not Enough

Experts Link Economy And Broadband Adoption
National Journal

"I think this country has an education crisis," Michael Powell, former FCC Chairman said at a forum convened by the Internet Innovation Alliance.

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2010\12-A

Germany unveils plans to tighten internet privacy
Monsters and Critics.com

Berlin - Germany unveiled plans Wednesday to regulate the internet, including opt-out rights from Google Street View.

Google Street View capturing child birth is a hoax
San Francisco Chronicle

That's what people were asking last week as this Google Street View< image capturing the birth of a baby in Berlin circulated around the Internet.


A law for every occasion, as usual:

'The Internet Is Not a Lawless Place'
Spiegel Online

Help Us, O Leaders!

Even Games are in on the Game
Daily Shopper News

Fearing a planet-wide extinction from a massive asteroid headed towards Earth, world leaders are faced with the inexorable task of ensuring human survival.

What would we do without leaders?

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2010\11-E

Yet another case of European "We are the World" delusions:

Deflecting Earth-bound asteroids becoming a global effort
Christian Science Monitor

Europe is ramping up efforts to detect incoming asteroids.

Elsewhere: recycle or the Cosmos will get you:

Try the 'Impact Earth!' Asteroid Impact Catastrophe Calculator
Treehugger

Big asteroids hit the Earth very rarely, and there are other problems...

News Digest of the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2010\10-G

Renewables - the key to solving the energy crisis

Gerson Lehrman Group

We have made a start with that in the case of broadband (USA, Australia, NZ, NL, UN); the energy issue, however, is a whole new challenge....

Any evidence that the Gerson Lehrman Group, a flesh-peddling work-at-home outfit ever "solved" a crisis - ever -, even if it was a fake one, would be more than welcome.