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Showing posts with label Fake Crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fake Crisis. Show all posts

12 November 2013

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2013/11F

Asteroid heading for Earth?
No. Why do you ask?
Call Bruce Willis
No, you call him. Dudes from Jersey creep me out.
London - A fleet of kamikaze spacecraft could be used to defend Earth against asteroid strikes The robotic vessels would change the direction of any threatening space rock to prevent it from crashing into the planet.
Or not.
Under the plans, member nations will share information in an International Asteroid Warning Group, allowing space agencies to pool their brainpower to come up with the best way of deflecting any incoming objects.
I guess the intrepid "journalist" (let's call him Tin Tin for now) doesn't get that the PLANE wasn't the Kamikaze, the pilot was, and that he is more than welcome to participate in the "beta test", being part of that pool of exemplary "brainpower."

10 November 2013

Because a Two State Solution was No-Where in Sight

Entomologist shares idea to solve bee crisis
Dr. Spivak’s approach relies on nature’s law of the survival of the fittest (natural selection), and some encouragement from humans (artificial selection).
A glimmer of hope! Someone has the good sense to do nothing. We need to find a big word for this.

07 November 2013

Apocalypse When?

Apocalypse called for by 2065 moved to 2031, then to 2032: Russian scientists discover dangerous asteroid
Asteroid 2013 UG1 was discovered by Russian astronomers using MASTER ... asteroid that is headed on a dangerous trajectory towards the Earth in 2032.
400-metre asteroid sighted may 'blow up the earth' in 2032:
A LARGE asteroid has been discovered zipping past Earth that astronomers say is dangerous and will return ... ASTEROID HEADING TOWARDS NEW YORK?
Hang on to your fedora. Start hoarding Lucky Strikes. 2031 will come to decimate Gotham in 2032.

08 August 2012

Non-Crisis and Non-Cause-for-Alarm Forces PR Jokers into High Gear

Plan Bee.. how City banks are trying to save the humble bee
There is an acute bee crisis in the UK so putting them on top of the Stock Exchange seemed to make sense,"
Stunningly bad alliterations aside, no more than anywhere else, but, like, whatever.

08 May 2012

The Object of Fear is WITHIN!

Panic now, while there's still time!
An incoming asteroid is trouble whether you're a dinosaur or a Bruce Willis fan. But microbes living deep underground may actually welcome the news, according to a recent study.

18 April 2012

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2012\04A: An Urgent Report

Noting the nuttiness of people's fears, the extent to which they are convinced that the world, as usual, is just about to end, I have been noting the nature of those who seem to love the sort of hysteria surrounding the prospect of an asteroid doing us all in.

It's a metaphor, you dopes. A metaphor for whatever fashionable piffle children are being taught to wet their beds over - by which I mean the idea that man can alter the world's temperature through self-flaggelation and feelings of sever contrition, and that a giant human-caused-weather-related wave is coming to wipe us out. Even the landlocked.

I thought I was beavering away in lonely isolation. Now, even storied philosophical figure and popular writer Pascal Bruckner is starting to get worried about our worries (and distracting preoccupations with something that only matters to a haldful of detached activists).
Around the turn of the twenty-first century, a paradigm shift in our thinking took place: we decided that the era of revolutions was over and that the era of catastrophes had begun. The former had involved expectation, the hope that the human race would proceed toward some goal. But once the end of history was announced, the Communist enemy vanquished, and, more recently, the War on Terror all but won, the idea of progress lay moribund. What replaced the world’s human future was the future of the world as a material entity. The long list of emblematic victims—Jews, blacks, slaves, proletarians, colonized peoples—was likewise replaced, little by little, with the Planet, the new paragon of all misery. No longer were we summoned to participate in a particular community; rather, we were invited to identify ourselves with the spatial vessel that carried us, groaning.
And so forth, undsoweiter: the fear of wrong simply becomes fear, and redemption, well - if you don't beileve in anything, you won't find any of that either.
The Christian apocalypse saw itself as a hopeful revelation of the coming of God’s kingdom. Today’s has nothing to offer. There is no promise of redemption; the only hope is that those human beings who repent of their errors may escape the chaos, as in Cormac McCarthy’s fine novel The Road. How can we be surprised, then, that so many bright minds have become delirious and that so many strange predictions flourish?
As far as I'm concerned, if you're preoccupied by human extinction, and have a "love-hate" relationship with the idea, make a good example of yourself and go first. After all, if the life of all of us is a cheap tool to make yourself heard, then your life is unserious and cheap to begin with.

04 April 2012

Of COURSE they Could...

Teams of laser-wielding satellites could shoot rogue asteroids
Researchers at the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow are floating the possibility that a flock of small satellites could fly in formation and fire solar-powered lasers at a threatening asteroid, knocking the space rock off its path to Earth.
"Flock"? Thazt almost makes it sound that supernatural threat sound almost "natural".

Of course this is after we have been wizzened to the fact that they can't, or that nukes can take our imaginary decimator out, or that it can't. Etc. Stay afraid of imaginary things, my friends...
The likelihood of a humanity-threatening asteroid strike remains low, but astronomers have not pinned down the best way to deal with ones that pose a risk to our planet.
I'm so glad they're keeping it unreal.

01 April 2012

New and Improved Elektorsmog!

The Litzelstetter "tower-free residential area" club fears a new wave of elektrosmog. "I think it's the calm before the storm," club chairman Irene Mohn said when asked. The planned expansion of the high-speed network LTE (Long Term Evolution), they said will be a new tsunami of the mobile world over the cities and towns. Mohn believes that the electromagnetism is a pollutant, and thus believes it an increase on the burden on residents. This was why the club supports a possible low-emission, and thus human-friendly form of mobile communications.
I’m not sure if its attention seeking or hypochondria that drives these people, but despite the mere milliwatts that are at issue, and the fact that we shield the emissions of motors and other equipment in a way we never have before, they’re still at it.

Nonetheless, that kind of craziness sounds much better in the original Klingon:
Der Litzelstetter Verein „Mastenfreies Wohngebiet“ fürchtet eine neue Elektrosmog-Welle. „Ich denke, es ist die Ruhe vor dem Sturm“, sagte die Vorsitzende Irene Mohn auf Nachfragen. Mit dem geplanten Ausbau des Hochgeschwindigkeitsnetzes LTE (Long Term Evolution) rolle ein neuer Tsunami aus der Mobilfunkwelt auf die Städte und Gemeinden zu. Mohn geht davon aus, dass der Elektrosmog und damit auch die Belastungen für die Anwohner steigen. Dabei setze sich der Verein für die möglichst emissionsarme und damit menschenverträgliche Form des Mobilfunks ein.
Run! Hide! Save yourselves!

30 March 2012

I Know they CAN, buy MAY they?

Video: Killer Asteroids Can Be Deflected With Nuclear Warheads, New Study Says
It is common knowledge that using a nuclear device on a killer asteroid on a collision course with the Earth would only produce perhaps thousands of smaller projectiles headed toward Earth -- making a bad situation possibly worse. And yet, a new study indicates that using a nuclear device might work after all.
It's hard to know exactly what to get panicked about some days.

29 March 2012

Morons and Exploiters of Sympathy...

They're a match made in heaven. After all, who knew that costly and pointless grocery store chain Whole Paycheck Whole Foods, was running an online "Film Festival"? Think of all the carbon being expelled heating up those servers and copper wires! ForSHAME!

In any even, they too think that Bees are telling them something.

Pfft.
"Queen of the Sun: What Are the Bees Telling Us?"– A profound, alternative look at the bee crisis from Taggart Siegel, award-winning director of "The Real Dirt on Farmer John." On a journey through the catastrophic disappearance of bees and the mysterious world of the beehive, the film weaves together a story of the heart-felt struggles of beekeepers, scientists and philosophers from around the world and uncovers the long-term causes that could create one of our most urgent food crises.
Whatever. I can't wait to see if they can remember all of this stuff, or move on to some other banner cause by the time reality comes to pay a visit.

25 March 2012

Conspiratorial Cause of Fake Crisis Found...

Asteroid to buzz by Earth next year -- time to call the insurance agent?
ESA Asteroid 2012 DA14 -- a 150-foot-wide jagged hunk of rock hurtling through the blackness of space -- came within 1.5 million miles of the Earth on Feb. 16.

23 March 2012

It's a Religion Devolving into mere Ritual

Try to avoid the seeds and twigs and then watch the full length documentary film "Queen of the Sun: What are the Bees Telling Us?" that gives us a profound, alternative look at the global bee crisis.

28 February 2012

Set Phasers on 'Stun' or Something...

From Slashgear, an ever reliable source of news:

NEOShield international asteroid threat-reduction group forming now
This commission hasn't issued any threats thus far, and they've not formed because there's an inordinate amount of asteroids headed for Earth
Un hunh. Elsewhere, a sure-fire winner:

Europe considers asteroid shield

26 February 2012

Fake Crisis Still Selling Well in College Towns

Warm Winter Keeps Hives Busy as Bees
Sharon Friends of Conservation and Sharon Garden Club sponsoring showing of global bee crisis film Sunday.
Which, curiously enough, isn't global.

07 February 2012

The Never-Ending Movie-enduced "Bee Crisis"

If it's news to you, that's because you haven't been propagandized yet by agitational activist types yet. The fact is that it's an illness, that man and his evil SUV driving had nothing to do with it, and that it's going away on its' own as nature travels its' course:

What's Going on in Princeton This Week?: Queen of the Sun: What Are the Bees Telling Us?" examines the global bee crisis through the eyes of biodynamic beekeepers, scientists, ...

Elsewhere:

What's happening this weekend in Mercer County: Jan. 27-29: (further bee-extermination porn)


Spring line-up announced : On March 5, Queen of the Sun: What Are the Bees Telling Us?

Get angry, people!

14 December 2011

Without a fake Crisis we are Aimless

Huffington Post:
Without an Asteroid-Annihilating Rocketship, We're Toast
mmmm'kay. Next comes the "planetary distress signal", I suppose.
WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE: there is a giant asteroid headed towards Earth. All the astrophysicists and rocket scientists and brain surgeons agree ...
The Psychiatrists though could not be reached for comment.

06 December 2011

Heard any Cheesy Headlines Lately?

Soup to Nuts: Portland business is a honey of an idea
After he read a long article in the New Yorker about the honey bee crisis, he decided to take the plunge.
I guess this makes them the perfect candidates for modern farming.
The couple now has two hives.

17 November 2011

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\11B

What Are the Bees Telling Us?

Less than you think, outside of "activist-speak" pedantry:

“We have to wake up early enough to make a change,” said biochemist and beekeeper David Heaf, in the documentary.
After all, what modern cause is complete without refereing to some dead malthusian who can't clarify his argument after it's been wtong for the past 88 years of "mechanization"?

Experts in the film see bees as a barometer of the health of the world. Queen of The Sun refers to Austrian scientist Rudolf Steiner who predicted the collapse of honeybees in 1923. “The mechanization of beekeeping and industrialization will eventually destroy beekeeping,” Steiner predicted.
The notable chappie cited also had this sort of science to his credit:

He gained initial recognition as a literary critic and cultural philosopher. At the beginning of the 20th century, he founded a spiritual movement, Anthroposophy, as an esoteric philosophy growing out of European transcendentalism and with links to Theosophy.
But he couldn't transcend his propensity to throw spaghetti at the wall, despite his considerable career.

I don't mean to make light of the departed, but rather make light of people who will grasp at everything and anything. In this case, to prop up the fact that science already knows to be related to a mold, and that the bee population has been growing since it's decimation.

16 November 2011

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\11A

So, a Giant Asteroid is Heading for Earth…Again…

Or rather not "not-headed" in a especially scary non-way as previous asteroids headed for earth which weren't.
Like, between the moon and the Earth close. PC gamers may remember the last time this happened, in 1995. Back then, it was the asteroid Attila, and unlike YU55 - which should pass by harmlessly - it was headed straight for us.
Funny how they always get to that "gamer" level of plausibility and detail.