The Criminal Catwalk Report

"Would-be thieves" caught on CCTV

This is Gloucestershire, UK

The first is slim, in his early 20s and with black hair in a 'mullet' style. He has "noticeably" bushy eyebrows and was smartly dressed in a black,

Yes, they call this crime reporting.

This Just in From the “Things one is Obliged to Say in Public Department”

In other words: keep nodding at all costs.

Some countries like Belgium, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Germany and Norway believe that “these weapons have no military purpose.” However, given their proximity to Iran and Russia, Turkey and the Baltic countries are staunchly opposed to any withdrawal.

Staunch opposition presumably because... they have no purpose ?

Your Mullet is THEIR Business, Vanessa!

Welcome to loo-loo-land, sweetie.... your mop made the news.

Vanessa Hudgens Sports a Mullet – What's Next?

The latest unfortunate look she has tried is a quirky little mullet peeking out like an afterthought from the back of her otherwise choppy head.

The vanity of the press (covering vanity,) is as charmingly self-absorbed as ever.

You Know them by their Blank Stare

Berlin's eternally dyspeptic "Wutbürgers." Their intellectual heft makes one nearly want to evacuate in situ.

Sport's worst haircuts: a tribute

From Ireland's The Score, we find the part of the economy that will not be taking a haircut:

It was a mullet for a while, but scrum half Boss's hair only really came into its own when it was evolved into a mullet/dreadlocks hybrid. His status as one of Eddie O'Sullivan's 'impact subs' probably rested on the nauseating effects of this epic 'do.

What to Feel Tall? Hang out with Short People!

Want to feel smart? Randomly generate postmodernist trash. Reload for even more high-achieving academic brilliance obfuscation.

He is an evil genius, Thank him, sofort, tous de suite, and chop chop

Dystopia Then, Dystopia Now

Just as now, the wasteland of popular culture promoted a sort of "unilateral disarmament" against the world's evils. Otherwise we were to still enjoy the misery we were deserving.

The Future, as Always, is Bleak. Almost,

Large Asteroid to Almost Hit Earth in November

Let's hope that 2005 YU55, the 400 meter wide monster headed our way this year and forecast to be near Earth in November, doesn't slightly change course and become one of the asteroids that actually hit Earth.

Let's also hope monkeys don't ALMOST come flying out of my butt, so long as we're at it.

Mullet's, Now to be Made Dull by Academia

It's the hairstyle that time forgot

Just long enough to get sidetracked:

It's the mullet of the moment. Yes we're talking about the male ponytail. If you want to look like a crim, a weasel or most probably both, grow your thinning hair long and scrape it back. Into a girl's hairband.

I've Found it!

The World's Very Worst Made-for-TV Movie...



Wake Me When the War is Over (1969)

The Bitter Flower of Youth

It doesn't take much looking to dispose of any regrets one has about one's age.

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\05A

Internet Addiction: A Public Health Crisis?

The CRISIS has been found!!!

A large portion of studies on internet addiction come from countries like Taiwan, China and South Korea, which have some of the highest broadband use in the world.

The South Korean government has declared Internet addiction a "public health crisis,"...

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\04E

Shout out if you're underwhemled. NAB study rejects spectrum 'crisis'

The Hill (blog)

The White House, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), and the wireless industry have cited a spectrum crisis as a justification for policies that will repurpose TV airwaves for mobile broadband use.

According to NAB, the study shows "that insufficient analysis and reliance on faulty information in the formation of the FCC's National Broadband Plan has led to the overstated assumption of a nationwide spectrum 'crisis.'"

The author writes that the basis for the spectrum crisis language is "underwhelming,"

Compare and Contrast

"All the other large and small nationalities and peoples are destined to perish before long in the revolutionary world storm… these residual fragments of peoples always become fanatical standard-bearers of counter-revolution and remain so until their complete extirpation or loss of their national character… [A general war will] wipe out all these petty hidebound nations, down to their very names. The next world war will result in the disappearance from the face of the earth not only of reactionary classes and dynasties, but also of entire reactionary peoples. And that, too, is a step forward."

- Friedrich Engels, "The Magyar Struggle," Neue Rheinische Zeitung, January 13, 1849

“As the Imam said, Israel must be wiped off the map,”

Elsewhere

“There is no doubt that the new wave (of attacks) in Palestine will wipe off this stigma (Israel) from the face of the Islamic world, ...”

- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, “The World without Zionism.”

Note to self

Business idea: culturally inappropriate cookie molds. i.e. inconsequential shapes that are not obscene, incongruous words in obscure or dead languages, items received to be neither in bad taste, shock, or anything other than banal emptiness, etal.

Note to self: tear up and dispose of all notes to self.

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\3-D

Minneapolis Star Tribune: What Are Bees Telling Us?

It tells me we have a pet issue that no-one understands but can advocate in the works.

The movie is a look at the global bee crisis examining the problems of monoculture and pesticides.

"Queen of the Sun," is said to offer a profound alternative look at the tragic global bee crisis. "Alternative" meaning, whatever one wants it to be, such as a "global" thing that goes undetected in south America and sub-saharan Africa.

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\3-C

Fast rural broadband key to economic growth
Fresh Business Thinking

Pshyeah right! How do they prove that negative?

Britain increases its regional broadband coverage with high speed services, then the economic recovery will be impeded. Andy Burton, Chair of the Cloud Industry Forum, stated: "If as a nation we are going to grow out of our current financial crisis...

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\2-B

CTIA Insists There Is No Spectrum Conspiracy
BroadbandReports.com

What people are debating is whether or not there's a spectrum "crisis," or if the nation's biggest companies are squatting on a precious public resource.

Of course you KNEW that the conspiracy would say that!

Roman Polanski ! , Your Life is Calling !

From our bulging “Don’t Touch my Junk” file:

The research, soon to be published in international medical journal, Medical Education, describes - among others - a student with "no qualms" about performing an anal examination on a female patient because she didn't think the woman's consent was relevant.

They’re even lining up for it:

Another case outlined in the research describes a man who was subjected to rectal examinations from a "queue" of medical students after he was anaesthetised for surgery.

News Digest from the Fake-Crisis Management Center, no. 2011\1-D

US investigation of Google Street View was a 'wasted summer'
Inquirer

DOCUMENTS HAVE SURFACED that shed some light on the lackadaisical attitude of US regulators towards last year's Google Street View privacy violations.

A senior attorney at the US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) described the Google investigation as "a wasted summer" in a letter obtained by the Electronic Privacy Information Centre through a Freedom of Information Act request.

The letter was written only a couple of days after the FTC decided to drop its inquiry into the matter. Many privacy advocates, especially in the UK and Europe, would be aghast at hearing the attorney describe the matter as "a time suck".

They need more time to abuse for-profit schools between naps, I guess.

Data protection organisations in the UK and Germany certainly have, unleashing considerable fury over the fact that a company that has so much data about us didn't have policies in place to stop this from happening.